


Patchwork

by effaness



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Autistic Reader, Blackwatch Era, Blood and Injury, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Tags to be added, autistic mccree, cause I don't know where i'm going with this, having said this it should still be pretty readable to everyone, he doesn't know that, in tiny little bursts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23961682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/effaness/pseuds/effaness
Summary: Blackwatch was quieter than Overwatch. And you liked the people better. And you liked the cowboy. Oh god you liked the cowboy.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to personally blame Eliot Spencer for perfectly setting me up to fall for Jesse goddamn McCree.

"Whatcha got there?"

You looked up in surprise, thinking that everyone else had left the room. It was McCree. You felt a blush start to creep up your face. "Oh! N-Nothing. It's just- it's just a stupid little toy, doesn't do much," you stammered out, holding up your fidget toy. It was a large simple looking metallic ring that was easily malleable yet held its shape. McCree sat down on the table in front of you and held out his hand. "May I?"

You almost reluctantly placed it in his hands and tried to rub the blush out of your face as you watched him play with it. He seemed to actually like it, as opposed to most people who tried to thoughtfully do something with it with both hands. McCree had copied you and was deftly coiling it through his fingers without purpose. "This is awfully fine, where'd you get it?" he asked. You felt the blush return to your face and you had to start bouncing your leg. "It was a gift."

McCree nodded in reply. Time seemed to halt for quite a few minutes as you watched him. It was almost enchanting somehow. The spell was broken when your phone lit up with a text from your boss.

'Don't let Jack put me in that stupid meeting tomorrow'

You smiled and rolled your eyes. McCree laughed a bit too. You gave him a mock glare for reading your text. He glanced over at you apologetically. "'M sorry darlin', I know it's rude."

Your stomach always did a small flip at his nicknames even though he used them for almost everyone. You had even heard him call Reyes sugar pie once before having to dodge a machete thrown directly at his head.

"Well, don't make a habit of it Mr. McCree."

"You could just call me Jesse ya know."

"I believe commander Reyes would have a fit if I did."

McCree rolled his eyes and sighed at you. "I heard how he took you from some lily livered no name moron on the overwatch side of things. And I heard your old boss wasn't very nice to ya but it's a lil different here in blackwatch. Everyone puts up a front but once you're in, you're in so lemme help drag you in. Hell, even Gabe's tryin' to drag you in talkin' to you like that. And besides, what the commander don't know about don't hurt him."

You had to giggle a bit at all this. The stupid cowpoke was quite charismatic. "Alright Jesse."

The cowpoke in question gave you a very warm smile. "I never knew my name could sound so pretty till just now," he said. It took you a moment to translate the compliment but when you did, you couldn't help but to smile as you looked away bashfully.

"Aw, don't be so shy, that smile of yours could light up a whole city!" Jesse said sweetly. If you weren't blushing before, you definitely were now. Jesse gave a small chuckle and seemed to have decided he'd tortured you enough. "Y'know before now I thought you were like most people."

"Most people?"

"Self centered and narrow minded."

You scoffed. "How could you possibly know I'm not narrow minded?"

Jesse pushed the brim of his hat up almost solemnly. "You're an outcast. Maybe not entirely, but you know what it's like. Outcasts are rarely narrow minded," he said. He was dead on of course and it made you realize something. "Takes one to know one," you said quietly. Jesse gave a short laugh and gestured to himself. "Now sugar, you ever seen a normal man dress like this?" he asked you. You grimaced as you looked away. "You were in a cowboy gang, I thought you were just attached to the look," you said sheepishly. Jesse couldn't seem to hold in his laughter anymore and he nearly doubled over. You couldn't help but to laugh a bit with him. He straightened up eventually and readjusted his hat. "Ya know what, maybe I am attached, but that ain't gonna make me much less of an outcast now is it?"

You were about to try and say something witty but your phone rang. "Oh, fuck, it's Morrison, I have to go I'm sorry," you whispered, trying to stand up in a rush and almost falling into the man in front of you. There was no reason for you to whisper but you felt like you would be caught otherwise. Jesse snickered and shook his head at you. "See ya around," he said, holding your fidget toy out to you. You nearly had to double back to hurriedly grab it from his hand as you rushed out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Jesse seemed to have been right about Gabriel trying to drag you in. It had been a few weeks since then and in those short few weeks the commander of blackwatch had gotten you to start calling him by his first name and to share off time with him and just chat. He didn't make any advances, he just genuinely seemed to care that you were okay and had at least someone to talk to. Or not talk. He knew how to be comfortable with silence.

Which was how you were walking down the hall with him to another meeting. Early. He liked showing up to meetings early. Said it gave him time to think. Like a calm before a storm you thought. You were normally the first two in the room but not this time. Jesse was sitting at the table with his feet propped up and his hat over his face as you walked in. Gabriel's stride faltered for a moment but he continued on to his seat with you at his heels. Right next to Jesse of course, who didn't move. Gabriel leaned on the table for a solid minute or so, scrutinizing the cowboy before he finally said "Jesse McCree what the hell are you doing."

Jesse startled awake abruptly and grabbed his hat off his face. "I'm awake, I'm awake, jus' nodded off a minute," he mumbled, shoving his feet of the table and looking around. His hair was mussed up and he gave you a big sleepy smile when he saw you. You couldn't help but smile back, although you immediately switched your gaze to the ground and took a half step behind Gabriel. Who turned to look at you, and then he must have given Jesse some kinda look because the rapscallion in question silently threw his hands up in defense. Gabriel gave a world weary sigh. "So you two know each other."

Somehow this didn't sound like a question or a statement. It immediately made you nervous.

"Aw come on boss, she ain't that bad," Jesse teased. Gabriel snorted. "Really, mr-I-was-in-a-gang-most-of-my-natural-born-life-and-didn't-know-what-hygiene-and-morals-were-till-my-boss-saved-me, she doesn't seem that bad to you?" he said, looming over Jesse, who didn't seem to be intimidated in the least. "Now you're gettin' it, boss!" he said with a dramatic hand flourish. Gabriel sank into his chair and covered his face with his hands. Jesse gave you a sly wink. Again, you smiled and stared at the floor, shuffling in place for a moment before dashing off to the assistant's room. When you glanced back over to Jesse he was grinning at you. Gabriel glared at him for a moment before smacking him in the head.

~

As the meeting came to a close, Morrison's assistant nudged you and pointed to a corner of her holopad excitedly. _'Are you seeing the looks McCree gives you?'_ she had scrawled. You looked back up at her, panic stricken for a moment before yanking her holopad over and writing _'NO!! He's a flirt and you know it!'_ She delicately rolled her eyes and wrote back _'He's flirting with YOU'_ It's not that you hadn't realized this till now but you kinda hadn't realized this till now and you were beginning to feel heat creeping into your face. _'He does this with everyone'_ you replied. _'If he did this with everyone I wouldn't need to point it out'_ she retorted. You gave an impatient huff and looked around as if for an escape. She dragged you back in and practically shoved the holopad in your face. _'Why not?!?'_ You gave her a pained expression and carefully wrote _'There's no way it's real'_ ' Now it was her turn for an impatient huff and you watched apprehensively as she furiously scrawled out _'This is real he is giving you special attention you like him back my god he is a FIELD AGENT JUST I M A G I N E ♡'_ Unfortunately, you did accidentally imagine for a moment and you buried your face in your hands, afraid to look at her for fear of futher shenaniganizing.

"Ms. Kearns!"

You jumped and looked up. It was Morrison. He was beckoning his assistant away. She quickly got up and walked over to him but not before raising her eyebrows pointedly at you. You buried your face in your hands again.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey."

He might as well have not said a thing for all you heard.

"Hey."

You heard something this time but it was years away.

"Hey."

Your eyes snapped to Gabriel as you jolted out of your trance. He chuckled and went back to his paperwork. "How was your trip?"

"What trip?"

"You were zoned out."

"Oh. I'm fine now."

Gabriel nodded slowly. You shook your head and went back to your own paperwork.

"Is Jesse pushing you too much?"

You stopped halfway through writing a sentence. Words didn't work. You shook your head. Gabriel sighed and put his pen down. "I haven't seen him take a specific interest in anyone till now and honestly it's got me a little on edge. I don't want him to rush you into anything."

You started flipping the pen between your fingers. "Never had anybody take an interest before."

The door suddenly rushed open. Speak of the devil, they say. "Evenin' fellas," Jesse chirped as he laid a file on Gabriel's desk. "Here's that report ya wanted boss." He was grinning a smidge too big to have just waltzed in from the hall. Gabe narrowed his eyes. "Jesse. I don't suppose you saw anyone lurking outside just now, did you? Cause I've got this feeling that somebody was lurking and I haven't dealt out extra kitchen duty in a while," he threatened. At this point, you had decided to just stare at the desk. You could still see Jesse overplay a shrug. "Naw boss, wasn't a soul out there," he chirped. He was using his smooth talk voice. For some reason, Gabriel let all of this slide. "Dismissed," he said gruffly, practically shoving Jesse out with a glare. Both of you watched the cowboy close the door behind him and then it went quiet. Gabriel sighed. "Lying piece of shit. Next time he tries that he won't have time to sleep from all the inventory he'll be doing, do you hear me Jesse!?" he yelled. You could faintly hear the sound of someone walking off after that.


	4. Chapter 4

You could hardly believe your eyes as all the other women around you cooed and squealed over the lovely red rose that had been in your locker when you opened it. You could hear them talking about how romantic it was and how daring, since men weren't allowed in the women's locker room. You would have tried to dissuade them from the daring aspect by pointing out that it could have been another woman but you and Jesse McCree had become a hot topic of gossip even though you had barely had a conversation with the man. You tried to ignore the comments that you knew would cover the base by nightfall. A few of your friends teased you and offered to do your hair or makeup. You graciously declined their offers, not wanting to draw further attention to yourself with a new look. A few other people chimed in to say that you should stick the rose in some water so it wouldn't die right away. Eventually you caved and decided to run back to your room real fast to put it in a glass.

As you rounded the corner to your hall though, lo and behold there was the man in question leaning right next to your door. Your footsteps stuttered for a moment and he looked up at you. You wouldn't let yourself stop walking even though your guts felt knotted and you knew you would be a blushing mess as soon as you spoke. Jesse had a sly smile playing over his face that he couldn't seem to hide. You stopped in front of him and took a breath. "Did you give this to me?"

"I just wanted you to have somethin' as pretty as you are."

His smile seemed genuine now and you were trying hard not to completely melt at how sweet he was being. You almost started to speak a few times but settled on saying "thank you," and busying yourself with unlocking your door. “You can come in if you like,” you offered as you bustled in to your room, not wanting to wait for Jesse’s reaction. You still heard him walk in after you. You weren’t actually sure how to treat him in this moment so you busied yourself with the rose, finding a tall glass, recutting the stem on a diagonal-

“Why the funny recut?” Jesse asked. You jumped a bit and looked up to find him leaning on your countertop. You tucked your hair behind your ear out of some horrible nervous habit before answering. “It gets more water this way so it’ll stay nice longer,” you said, placing the rose in the glass and filling it with water. You set it down and fussed over it some more to avoid Jesse, although there was only so much you could really do. And you really had to get back to work. You sighed and crossed your arms, considering the rose in a more apprehensive light.

“Somethin' wrong sugar?”

You felt your heart skip a beat at the nickname. “People are talking about us,” you mumbled reluctantly.

“Is that so bad?” Jesse asked. He sounded very sincere again. You shook your head. “No- well- it’s just- it’s just not what I know,” you said. You still hadn’t turned to look at him. He seemed quite willing to let you keep your space. “It’s okay to learn. Most people have to learn somethin' some time or other,” he said calmly. It was taking a lot of willpower to stand still and breathe. “I’m not wired for this,” you said. Your voice had been much quieter than you had intended.

“You’ll never know unless you try,” Jesse said softly. The world remained still for several moments.

“I should really be working,” you muttered, making absolutely no move to go back to reality or to move at all. Jesse gave a soft laugh. “Y’know, if anyone else had said that it woulda sounded like an escape attempt,” he said. Spell broken. You scoffed and turned enough to glare at him. “How do you know it’s not an escape attempt?” you said flippantly. He was smiling at you. “Cause you’re so matter of fact,” he said. You certainly weren’t gonna smile at him but you did feel softer. You turned to lean on the counter.

“Gosh, you’re pretty. Have I mentioned you’re pretty? I almost feel bad for sayin' so cause I know you won’t take to it well but you just steal my breath away.”

You were more or less trapped into sitting there and glaring at him. Nobody had ever nailed your personality that fast. The cowboy sighed and stood straight, glancing towards the door. “Anyways, I gotta get back, Gabe’s probly noticed I’m missin' now,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” you mumbled back. And with that, Jesse Mccree walked out of your room.


	5. Chapter 5

The cowboy had been suspiciously absent from your life over the next few days. You would pass by each other when you were busy or in separate crowds and he always gave you a polite smile but neither of you said a word. At about a week later you couldn’t take the silence.

Gabriel was running drills today. A bunch of different scenarios. All day stuff. You figured Jesse would stay in the training room for a half hour or so afterwards to perfect a thing or two. He certainly wasn’t a by the book kinda person but he seemed to like knowing the ins and outs of what he was capable of within a team. Anyways you were right. He was still in the training room, practicing a one inch punch on a target. Shirtless. His back was to you so he hadn’t noticed you come in. You decided to just lean against the wall and watch him for a while. He had great form. Much better than when you first saw him try this. He used to throw himself into it a little too hard and he didn’t have good rotation. Now it was a controlled and nearly fluid movement. His muscles would tense up at the last moment and he was shifting his hips much more effectively. He wasn’t quite as determined as Gabe, or quite as enhanced as Gabe, but he was impressive nonetheless. He took a deep breath and went through the motion slowly, giving it full follow through and pushing the target back.

He stepped back suddenly, letting the target rock to still before stepping in to a side kick powerful enough to knock the target over. He stood there a moment before going around to pick it up. You held your breath. He faltered when he saw you and immediately gave you a lopsided grin. “What’s a pretty little thing like you doin' all the way down here?” he chirped as he stood the target back up. You took a deep breath. “Well, I’m not really sure,” you stated clearly, pressing your thumb into your palm as hard as you could. Jesse walked over to you almost completely silently. “Did you come to visit me?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, then maybe I hoped you would.”

You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your lips nor the blush across your cheeks and you couldn’t look Jesse in the eye neither. You heard him give a quiet laugh and saw him reach out to you and draw back suddenly. “Can I touch you?”

His voice was eager and hushed.

“Okay.”

He was almost hesitant at first, tucking your hair behind your ear and brushing against your cheek. You couldn’t help the hitch in your breath as his fingers ghosted across your jaw, then down your arm. You slowly let your fingers intertwine with his, feeling every subtle movement and trying not to get too carried away.

“Can I kiss you?” he pleaded. You smiled. “Okay.”

The cowboy wasted no time in giving you the sweetest and most tender kiss humanly possible. He was so soft. You could feel him smile as he pulled away and now he was the one that couldn’t look at you. He was also grinning like an idiot. Infectiously it would seem, as you couldn’t help but smile as you leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. He followed you back to the wall and kissed you again. Then kissed your nose and your forehead, causing you to laugh. He was staring at you and he just looked so damn happy that maybe this was entirely worth all the talking that you knew would follow anyways.


	6. Chapter 6

The more time you spent with Gabriel, the less time people could bother you. You figured it was something about him being the commander of the division. Nobody would give you meaningful looks or casually ask if you knew where Mccree was when they were too distracted by their boss's boss's boss walking past. It was nice. Part of you wondered if you should like the newfound attention people wanted to give you. It's not like they were doing this out of hatred. The other part of you wanted to avoid every motherfucker out there. How was it anywhere near their business what you were doing? Then again, other... uh... _couples_ , didn't seem to mind if people knew they were together. You must be doing something wrong again. Sneaking around and only spending time with Jesse when nobody could catch you.

He didn't seem to hate you for it though. He immediately caught on to the fact that public affection made you uncomfortable and rigid and he didn't push you. He nearly ignored you if your paths crossed now. He made up for the lack of visibility by texting you quite a lot. Everything he spared you of around others made its way into a text message. Mostly regarding how pretty he thought you were or how much he wanted to hold you or kiss you. And how he couldn't wait for the day to be over. You couldn't wait for that either. The end of the day meant that you would slip into his room after dinner to watch something or just spend time with him. The days passed slower ever since this addition to your routine. Soon though. Soon. You were very close to having these reports reorganized and reviewing memos. As soon as that was done you could go wolf down some food and visit Jesse.

Why didn't he hate you? How could this possibly be worth it? Weren't you too picky or overbearing? Sorry darling, but you can only be around me a few hours of the day. How was that not an unreasonable demand? Oh god, when did it get to be so late? You bolted out of your chair and shoved things in their place, giving the office a quick once over before dashing off for food; a stream of curses flowing gracefully from your lips all the while.

You didn't risk sitting down to eat. You grabbed a horrible and efficient sandwich and booked it out of the mess before anyone could recognize you. You ate as fast as you could whilst power walking to your aforementioned meeting location. Certain words were loaded with various implications and could not be used without really freaking out. And you had arrived already. Fuck. You took a deep breath and softly knocked on his door. No answer. You knocked again. No answer. You took another deep breath and pulled out your phone. He hadn't called off the meeting. You huffed out a breath and texted him. 'Jesse.' No immediate answer. You sighed and leaned against the wall, waiting a few minutes before texting again. 'Jess.' Still nothing. Don't panic. Don't fucking panic. Don't do it. Don't you dare. Do not. Too late. You couldn't stay here, what if someone walked by? You walked off about as calmly as you could manage, thinking perhaps you'd head to the shooting range. No that was stupid, don't use guns when emotional dummy. The hangar? Yeah that was good. No, that place was creepy at night. Fuck, where were you? Don't panic, just retrace your steps. Or not. Was this the landing pad? You had never been out here before. It was a bit cold. Goddammit, now you were gonna have to ask for directions. It wasn't worth getting more lost than this. A text. It was Jesse.

'Where are you?'

Was he mad? Even if he was, he was also the least scary option of becoming unlost.

'Landing pad maybe?

Idk I've never been here.

Big fuckin flat outside thing.' you texted back. Fuck. He was gonna hate you.

'You lost?' he asked.

Fuck. 'Yes.'

'Stay there I'll come get ya.'

Fuck.

Minutes felt like hours as you tried not to overthink or move. The cold was starting to bite and you were grateful for something to focus on. This was ridiculous. Lost in your own backyard. He was gonna hate you for sure. Someone whistled behind you and you turned to find the man himself. You smiled ruefully and gave a halfhearted wave.

"What're you doin' all the way out here?" he asked. You looked away. "I was wandering."

"What for?"

"I don't know."

He was standing in front of you now and you couldn't look at him. "Everything alright?" he asked, touching his finger to your chin for a moment. You glanced up at him for barely half a second. "Are you mad at me?" You knew this was a stupid question and yet here you were. Jesse gave a small laugh. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Cause I got myself lost. Or cause I won't act like I'm dating you." There was no other way to phrase that last bit unfortunately but it still felt disgusting to say it.

"Is that your way of admitting you're cheating on me?"

There are many things Jesse could have said and most of them would have been less shocking than that. "I- no! What?" you spluttered, finally really looking at him. He didn't look mad. In fact, he was smiling. "Then you're plenty for me darlin', and I don't mind pullin' you back in from being lost neither."

Why was he so sweet? You felt yourself start to tear up and you knew you were gonna lose it. Why you were gonna lose it was a bit beyond you but you covered your face as you let out a sob, feeling tears spill down your cheeks. You felt Jesse's arm tentatively around your shoulders and you instantly leaned into him, letting him hold you and stroke your hair. "I-im s-s-sorry! I'm sorry I thought you'd hate me! I know I'm being weird about things I'm sorry!" you cried into his chest. "It's ok, it's ok. Let it all out," he murmured, rocking you side to side in a soothing manner. "I'm sorry I was late, I meant to tell you."

It took a minute but you seemed to be calming down. Your sobs faded to sniffles and you could finally wipe away your tears. Jesse tilted your head up and ran his thumb across your cheek. You leaned into his touch and gave a shaky smile.

"Hey, there's my girl," he murmured, grinning and tucking your hair behind your ear. Why was he so damn sweet? "Come on, let's go home," he suggested, grabbing your hand and gently pulling you along. You nodded and followed him back inside. Home. You knew he only meant his room but home sounded nice right about now. You were much closer to knowing where you were than you thought you had been but it's that last little bit that makes a difference. Clearly Jesse knew the base better than you did. It didn't take too long to get back to his room. He quickly unlocked the door and the two of you slipped inside.

His room was just a bit bigger than yours. Not by much, all it really added up to was a coffee table in front of the couch. It was the same little barely a kitchenette you had, the same bathroom, and the same bedroom. Although you thought he had a slightly better view than you did. Meaning he had a window. Jesse sighed and kicked off his boots, with you immediately following suit. He flopped down on the couch and turned the tv to something that sounded sportsish. You once again followed him and layed down on the couch with your head in his lap and your back to the tv. He gave you a playful smile and stuck his hat on your head. You scoffed and threw it across the room. Jesse looked at you with an over played version of shock before exclaiming "Hey now!"

You smiled and looked up at him with your best impression of innocence. He sighed and shook his head, mumbling something about not being right without his hat. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair, watching him try not to lean in to your touch. Eventually he caved, closing his eyes and pushing into your hand. "Feels real nice darlin'," he hummed. You replied with a contented sigh. Jesse pulled away for a moment and pushed you up, only to snuggle further into the couch and drag you onto his chest. You couldn't help but giggle as he grabbed your hand and placed it on his head again. You made yourself comfortable and continued giving him affection. He returned the favor and began playing with your hair. It was so nice to slow down and the chatter from the tv kept you from thinking too much and you accidentally drifted off to sleep. 

~

There was a heavy weight across your stomach when you woke up. Upon further investigation you discovered Jesse had draped his arm over you. And you were still on his couch. You hadn't gone back to your room. What time was it? The lights were still on and you could barely hear a slowly repeated thunk noise. You gently pushed at his arm and whispered "Jesse." He sighed and pulled you in closer. You shoved off the feeling of love blooming in your chest and pushed at the cowboy again. "Jess."

The man in question woke up very slowly, but he did wake up. "What're you still doin' here?" he mumbled. You sighed. "I dunno, we fell asleep. What time is it?"

"S' 12 or 1," he yawned, making no further effort to move. You blinked. "How do you know that?" No answer. You shoved the cowboy with your shoulder. He startled awake again. "Can hear Genji," he mumbled. As if on cue there was a crashing noise and a vague string of curse words. Your eyes went wide and you sat up abruptly. Jesse yawned and shoved himself into a kinda sitting position. "He does his fancy jumpin' shit when there's less people up to bother him," he said. You looked over at him apprehensively. "You mean he's just out there doing god knows what?" you hissed. Jesse nodded. You let your head fall into your hands. "I can't go back I don't wanna run in to him," you murmured. Jesse placed his hand on your knee. "Sugar, if there ever was a human that didn't care what you do, it's Genji." He sounded a little bitter. You glanced over to him but he was expressionless, save for the sleep that hadn't yet left.

"What if he falls on me?" you asked. Jesse snorted out a laugh that dissolved into giggles. He didn't answer your question, opting instead to stand up and wander to his bedroom. "Come on, let's go to bed for real," he called. You once again followed him. He threw you some clothes and continued digging through the cabinet. "That'll be better than what ya got."

Sweats and a tshirt. You had figured it would be much longer than this before you were wearing his clothes but here you were. You shuffled off to the bathroom, locking the door and quickly changing. A glance in the mirror told you everything fit ok. Perhaps a bit roomy but it was nice. You padded back into the bedroom, trying to be as quiet as possible. He seemed to hear you anyways. You pretended not to notice as he looked you up and down with a rather admiring smile on his face. You stashed your clothes on top of a dresser and heard the bathroom door shut. You were alone. In a sense. You resisted the urge to rifle through all the closed drawers and instead wandered over to the bed. It was the standard mostly small bed and Jesse seemed to lack the habit of making it. You smiled softly to yourself and plopped down face first, rolling over to stretch.

The bathroom door opened and you quickly sat up. The cowboy yawned and meandered over to the light, flicking it off and then meandered to the bed. It was almost completely dark, and you were not sure where to go. You felt Jesse sit next to you and bump his shoulder into yours. You leaned your head on him and the two of you stayed like that for what felt like hours. In the end Jesse let himself fall backwards, pulling you down with him in the aftermath. You giggled as he shoved you over and started a heated battle with the blankets, trying to get them out from under the both of you and flattened in to something useable. You stayed out of his way and eventually he won. You helped pull the blankets into place and let him pull you back against his chest.

It was truly unfortunate you would start your day here as opposed to your own predictable room but being with Jesse like this more than made up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmhhhh it got too long so there should be another chapter soonish I hope. Big shoutout to B0nBon for being the first person to ever comment on my fics, I got the warm fuzzies


	7. Chapter 7

Morning came sooner than you would have liked. The anxiety set in almost immediately. It certainly didn't help discovering you were practically laying on Jesse. You were snuggled against the cowboy's side, with your head on his shoulder and your leg draped over his. You stretched as an excuse to gently disentangle yourself, only it didn't really work as Jesse rolled over and once again draped his arm across you.

"Don't you have things to do?" you asked.

"Nope."

"I have things to do."

"Should stay here instead," Jesse murmured, slowly dragging his hand up and down your side. His voice had gone all deep and rumbly.

"I can't."

"You don't seem to be goin' nowhere."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Oh, it's yours."

You turned to glare at the bastard whose fault it definitely was. He was trying to contain a smile. Before you could say anything you felt his hand drift down to settle on your hip and pull you in closer. "This won't make me stay." Your voice sounded much stronger than your willpower felt. Jesse seemed to pick up on this somehow. "Is that a challenge darlin'?"

"No, it is a statement."

"That's funny cause it sounded like a challenge to me," he smirked, hauling himself up and over your body and gently shoving his knee between your thighs. His voice was suddenly dripping with power. You somehow managed to keep your resolve intact. "I really have to leave."

"I really don't want you to," he murmured, dipping down to slowly kiss at your neck. 

"Jesse please," you breathed. If you had known this was what you'd be up against you might have rethought your strategy somehow. Now you could barely think at all. Jesse hummed against you and you felt his left hand push up from your waist to just under your breast. You heard yourself gasp as your hand flew to his wrist, unsure of what you wanted to happen. He suddenly broke your hold and grabbed your wrist instead, pinning your arm to the bed. 

"Now you can't leave," he mumbled with a nip just below your ear. You huffed out a breath before using your free hand to push at his chest. He gave a gentle laugh at your attempt, letting himself mostly rest on your hand. He had a blush across his face and he still looked half asleep. As lovely as he looked and as much as you really really _really_ wanted to stay, you still had a job to do. You had to leave. You pulled your left leg up, unfortunately not missing how his thigh jumped against yours, and hooked your knee against his hip. Pushing with all your might you shifted him over and safely on to the bed. You had a feeling he gave that one to you but he still wasn't gonna let you go.

You quickly broke out of his grasp and scrabbled out of the bed, avoiding his further attempts to grab you somehow. "No no _no_ , I'm sorry I'm sorry, I have to leave I have to _go_ , I have to go, I _have_ to leave, I really have to leave I have to leave," you repeated to yourself, grabbing your clothing and and closing the bathroom door behind yourself. You quickly changed and threw your borrowed clothes on to the floor by the cabinet into an already existing pile. You heard more than saw Jesse slowly get up as you went back to the bathroom to check your reflection. You fluffed your hair into place and then noticed a bruise beginning to show at the base of your neck. Jesse shuffled in behind you and grabbed your hips, pulling you flush against him and wrapping his arms around you almost protectively. "Stay," he mumbled, beginning to rock you slowly from side to side.

"You're making this _very_ difficult," you muttered. You felt him smile against you. "You're incorrigible!" you ended up laughing. You felt his smile grow wider. "I'll make it real worth your while to stay here, sugar plum."

So. Very. Incredibly. Difficult. You watched in the mirror as his hand trailed up your arm and carefully pulled your collar away to expose your newly made bruise. You heard him suck in a breath as he peered out from behind you. "Oh, you look _so_ pretty marked up like this darlin'," he growled in your ear. You nearly whimpered, unsure if you would still be able to stand on your own. "Jesse, I really do have to go, I cannot stay here," you said quietly. You desperately did not want to be the responsible adult at this point. 

Jesse sighed before placing an almost sweet kiss on your jaw and letting you go. "I know. Just hurry back," he murmured. You turned and kissed him goodbye, lingering far longer than you really had the time for. He smiled against you and gently shoved at your hips. "Go then," he said almost smugly. You whined and finally turned to leave. "I'll see ya tonight," you called.

"I'll be here," was his returning answer.

Even if you were late it was worth it, you thought as you rushed out the door feeling alarmingly giddy. This all came crashing to a halt as you shut the door, turned, and found yourself face to face with Genji, right in the middle of opening his door across the hall. The two of you stared at each other for a rather uncomfortable amount of time, his face impassive and calm, yours you were sure was showing some form of fear.

Genji sighed. "Brighter than he had said."

And with that he dissapeared into his room.

You let out the breath you didn't know you had been holding and forced yourself to walk off. That could have been much worse. It was fine, everything was fine. You got yourself some fresh clothes and made it to the office in record time. Your phone buzzed in your pocket. A text from Jesse.

'Was I too much?'

You smiled.

'No i wish i could have stayed'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can barely believe you guys seem to like this?? I'm so glad you do though, I got another comment and everything and wow. I still don't know where this is going but I'm very happy you guys are along for the ride!


	8. Chapter 8

It was a holiday on base. Everyone had the day off and you could practically taste the joy in the air. No yelling bosses, no training, no paperwork. All the various cliques had plans. From sports to video games, with good food made and purchased in abundance. There were at least five different movie marathons that you had heard of and a few skill competitions for the more hardcore types that were unwilling to understand the concept of a day off.

Hypothetically you had plans. Jesse was being a little touchy and not telling you anything but he had asked you not to make any plans and so you assumed he had some for you. At the moment all you had was a cryptic note. You had woken up, rolled out of bed and found a note with your name on it stuck under the coffee maker. 

All it said was tower 5.

Tower 5 being a place of course, but then what? It hadn't been renovated like the other watch towers and it kinda got absorbed by a newer building and that's all you knew about it. You didn't really have any reason to go over there usually. Guess that would change today. You had breakfast like a responsible person and then got dressed for the day, reveling in the chance to not wear a strict uniform. And then it was off to tower 5.

You had to cross through the offices and then through the courtyard to reach your destination. The courtyard was packed. All kinds of people, with games and picnics and even some live music. You rushed through as quick as you could.

The tower wasn't even accessible through its main door anymore. You had to go through the new building, which looked like either storage or administration. In comparison, the tower looked a little bit abandoned. It was still obviously being cleaned and the lights were still on but there wasn't any furniture anywhere. There was another note taped by the elevators. You walked over and grabbed it. A smiley face on the front and the back said tippy top. 

As it was by the elevators, you might as well start there. You pressed the up button and waited a moment. The doors slid open and you glanced inside. Everything seemed to be in working order. No reason not to get in. The doors closed behind you and you turned to face your options. You couldn't take it all the way to the top, that was the lookout and you needed a bit more security clearance for that. The floor under that would have to do. You pressed the button for floor 21 and waited. The doors breezed open again and you stepped out.

You were standing in a long hallway lined with doors to the right and offices to the left, and a split at the end. You took a breath and walked to the end of the hall. You glanced left and right and noticed what looked like another piece of paper by the door second to the end. This was getting a little strange now but you pushed on and grabbed the note. Another smiley face, but otherwise blank. Huh. Must be to mark the door. You tried the doorknob. It opened. It appeared to be a janitor closet. Various chemicals and mops and brooms. And a hidden door that was left barely opened. It wasn't well hidden but you might have missed it if it wasn't open or if you weren't given strange notes. You took a deep breath and slipped through.

Two flights of stairs. Oh. Tippy top. The roof. You smiled to yourself and started up the stairs. Was that music? There was a faint sound of something at this point, much quieter than most people ran it. The door at the top was also left slightly open. You pushed through it and stepped on to the roof of tower 5.

Between the newer building and the border of the base it didn't look like there was much available room. There was a bit of a walkway before the newer building cut to the right, leaving a space you couldn't see yet. You were grateful for the safety regulations that placed railings along the edge of the roof as you walked on. There was in fact very quiet music playing, something very modern sounding, and maybe a tv show? You couldn't hear any humans though and it smelled smokey. You paused a moment before stepping around the corner.

It was a hideout. There were a few tarps strung up as a roof with a string of lights zigzagging under them. Next there was a curtain pulled through half the space and a mini fridge set up in front of it with some lawn chairs set close by, one of them occupied by Genji. He was wearing a hoodie and had his face plate taken off. The music was coming from a speaker nestled in his lap. He glanced up at you and turned the music down a touch. "Mccree," he called. Jesse's head poked out from behind the curtain. "Hey! You found us!" he greeted, coming around to pull you into a hug. He always gave the best hugs.

"I did find you, yes," you said into his chest. Jesse chuckled and let you go but not before kissing your forehead. He was wearing jeans and a plaid button up and of course his hat. He looked very cowboy. And there was a cigar held in his left hand. "Welcome to the most exclusive club on base," he said, gesturing to the fancy little set up.

"So exclusive it doesn't have a name," Genji said under his breath, earning a laugh from you. "Oh? This is a club?"

Jesse nodded. "Yep. Members only," he said seriously. You laughed again. "Okay, then who else is a member?"

"Gabe, couldn't really say no to Gabe. But he's cool. Supposed to stop by later."

"Angela," Genji chimed in. Jesse nodded. "Yep, Angie's cool. She doesn't ever stop by though," he mused.

"And that's all we can agree on," Genji stated. You blinked. "You guys have to agree on who's a member?"

Genji nodded.

"Then how come I'm here? You don't know me." Was your voice too accusatory? Was it too plain? These unanswerable questions and more. Genji stared at you a moment before shrugging. "I know you."

Jesse gave a short laugh before grabbing your waist and dragging you off behind the curtain with no explanation beyond a muttered "Glad we're all introduced."

You let him. There was too much going on to resist. There was an entire couch shoved back here, with the rooftop ending to the left of it and an old tv set up against the wall of the new building. It was playing an old show you didn't recognize and there were three different video game consoles all clustered underneath. Jesse let you go and plopped down on the couch, looking back to beckon you over. "C'mere, I don't bite. Well, I suppose that's a lie now, ain't it?" he said with a wolfish grin. You could feel a blush rising to your cheeks and you pointedly did not look at Jesse as you sat down next to him. He chuckled and looped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in close. You settled against him easily enough and he stuck the cigar back in his mouth.

You had seen him with a cigar a few times before, and he never seemed to actually smoke them. Sure, the object itself would be smouldering away but you rarely ever caught him exhaling any smoke. He mostly just... held them? It always seemed more like a prop almost.

"You're thinkin' awful hard down there," Jesse said, thankfully interrupting what would have spiraled into overthinking. You glanced up at him but he wasn't even looking at you. Just watching the tv. He was alarmingly perceptive. Might as well ask. "What's up with the cigars? You never really seem to smoke them when you have them." This time Jesse did glance down at you and he looked rather shocked. "You caught on to that did you? Huh, I don't rightly know, it just feels... well, right? Somehow? I dunno, I've asked myself the same question and I don't really have an answer, it just seems better somehow, just feels right. Slows everythin' down even before I light it," he carefully rambled. "I don't know why, and I've never heard anybody else say anything close to it."

Huh.

Would he freak out if you mentioned it could be sensory seeking? Not that that seemed likely. Probably wasn't. Maybe... No. It was just one trait that didn't necessarily paint a bigger picture. Might not even be a trait. You snuggled in closer to Jesse's side, completely ignoring the tv in favor of processing the last few minutes of your life. A lot had happened.

An episode or so had passed before you were called out of your head and into reality. A cheer had erupted from the courtyard.

"They're having a dance competition," Genji called.

Jesse tapped your shoulder and you let him get up. He made to walk off before pausing and holding his hand out to you. You took it and let him pull you up, following him out to the railing to join Genji.

The rooftop had a near perfect view of the courtyard and you could see that the crowd had congealed into a circle around two dancers. They didn't look half bad and the crowd continued to cheer whenever something especially cool happened.

"They're not very good," Genji said offhandedly. You leaned forward to glance at him. "What makes you say that?"

"I would win."

Nope, no ego there. Jesse shifted to point at one of the dancers. "I dunno, he seems pretty good."

Genji scoffed. "That's the one that's going to lose."

"Well then, I know I picked the right guy."

Genji let out a rather frustrated sounding breath. 

You hadn't meant to laugh audibly, but you did, earning a questioning look from the two men.

"I'm sorry, you're both a bit of an odd pair is all," you explained. Jesse gave a broad smile before making a big show of throwing his arm around Genji's shoulders and turning to face you. "Me and Genji? There's nothin' odd here, just two good pals!" he said happily.

"We are not friends," Genji deadpanned at you.

"We've been the bestest of friends since forever!" Jesse continued, messing up his friend's hair. Genji made no move to escape. "I do not know this man."

"Give it up sunshine, we were practically raised together," Jesse sighed contentedly.

You flinched away and looked back towards the sound of the door being kicked open. It was Gabriel and he had quite a few things in bags.

Jesse relinquished his hold on Genji in favor of perhaps bothering Gabriel. "Hey what'd ya bring us?" he asked as he took a few of the bags. Gabriel let him help. "You're only friendly cause I feed you ingrates," he grumbled.

"Aw, you know we love you," Jesse called as he dissapeared behind the curtain.

Genji sighed.

"Are you guys really friends?" you asked quietly.

"Yes."

No smile, no nothing.

"He helps me see the world in a different way."

You slowly nodded, watching as Gabe and Jesse had pulled a table out of nowhere and were busy setting it up.

"He helps you with that as well," Genji continued. You glanced over at him for a moment and he was as stone faced as ever. "I- I guess you're right," you said, stumbling over your words far more than you would have liked to. He wasn't really wrong. Jesse had such a distinct way of looking at things that you couldn't help but to reconsider your viewpoint around him. Strange became a simple difference and there was always a bright side.

"You help him feel like he belongs somewhere again," Genji said quietly.

This time you stared in shock. "What?"

"To be a soldier only gives you so much. You have something he relates to deeply, though I cannot see it."

"...So he doesn't belong with you and blackwatch?"

"He does. This is something different."

Neither of you continued the conversation past this point.

Genji, presumably, was simply done talking, and you, once again, had a lot of information to process.

The table had been set up and the food had been laid out and the two of you were called over to eat. Everyone seemed happy and the food was very good though you wouldn't have been able to name it if your life depended on it. The conversation was relaxed and you made a point to laugh along when everyone else did. Actually Genji didn't laugh. Smiled a bit. Gabe had said hello to you earlier. You must have said hello back. He had to leave early. It wasn't early anymore. You could see the sun setting over the base very well from here. What had really started all this? How did you end up here having having done quite enough and learning far too much for the day?

"Everything alright down there?"

That was Jesse, and you were sitting on the edge of the roof with your feet kicking out and your arms and head leaning on the railing. Everything was fine. Maybe. "It's been a really long day," was your reply. Your cowboy sat down next to you and nudged you with his elbow. "Was it okay?"

"Yeah no, I- it was fine, it was good, I just- Gabriel was _really_ relaxed, like I thought I had seen him off the clock but he was so different today, he really loves you guys, and Genji- you two are _weird_ together and I never would have expected, but it works and I just didn't expect- and I- he said- he said I help you belong somewhere and I just wasn't expecting any of this and now I'm part of a secret club and I'm sorry I'll shut up now," you cut yourself off, taking a minute to remember to breathe.

Jesse didn't say anything for a moment, opting instead to pull your hand into his. "I didn't mean to overwhelm you, I just wanted everyone to have a fun day," he mumbled. You squeezed his hand. "It was fun, it really was, but you're right, it was really overwhelming."

You felt him gently squeeze your hand in return.

It was very nice to finally have a moment of quiet. Even if you were forcefully reminded of the whole romance and sunset trope. You carefully stole a glance at Jesse and nearly lost your breath when you did. He was just sitting there and watching the sun fall away but the light was caught on him so perfectly he almost looked divine. You hadn't really ever thought of him as beautiful before now but gosh. Dang. You pulled your gaze away before you could be caught.

The crowds had dissipated some, but there were still stragglers finishing a meal or watching the sunset. One person looked like they were drawing maybe.

"You sure it was a good day?"

You smiled and leaned your head against his shoulder. "It was definitely a good day."

Tomorrow would be back to work but as it was, today was still happening and you planned to appreciate every bit of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I am thrilled to find that people like this and that it's relatable! I swear I thought I'd stick my writing up and have like three people look at it ever but here we are and wow.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reader has something akin to a shutdown and I tried to make it unpleasant so I thought I should warn yall

Just a minute or few more and you could finally drop the mask. Just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Rough day was an understatement. It hadn't started all that bad. You couldn't really even blame anyone for it. It wasn't Morrison's fault some unit countries away had screwed up. It was even smart to call in blackwatch. Wasn't their fault the original unit was in deeper than they thought. Reyes' frustration with the short notice and the sticky situation was completely understandable. Even though his frustration led to him snapping at you a bit harsher and a few more times than was necessary. It wasn't even your fault that the handful of captains you were ordered to contact took forever to respond. All of them. You'd think at least one person could have been timely. Rough day was an understatement.

You nearly started crying right there in the hallway as you reached your door. Instead you held your breath, carefully unlocked the door, and fell through it. You closed it behind yourself as you let out a sob. Just one. Just one horrible wretched sound came out and no more. You couldn't even cry.

You kicked your shoes off and forced yourself to change in to something comfortable before collapsing on your bed. You still couldn't seem to cry. The pillows were quickly shoved into a corner and the blankets yanked out of place as you buried yourself in all the comfort you could manage. It still wasn't enough. You closed your eyes and focused on breathing in, and breathing out. You had to do something more. Your fingers had already started tap tapping on the sheets but that wasn't right. You quickly redirected and found the hem of the blanket, running your fingers over it and picking and pulling at the soft material. Better but not enough. All you could manage.

Text.

You felt your phone vibrate somewhere on the bed next to you.

Whoever it was could wait.

You continued to fiddle with the edge of the blanket, letting it be the only thing in your mind and it almost worked. There was another text however. You resisted the urge to throw the device across the room and instead tried rocking yourself back and forth just a little bit. Maybe better but it wasn't right. Time passed like grass grows or paint dries, or some other comparison of unmoving horror. Nothing continued to happen and you felt worse and worse and worse. Something between one minute and an hour passed by and you got another text. You had finally found that sense of separation and numbness that allowed you to not care so much. Three more texts came in rapidly. You continued to breathe and stare directly at the scuff on your floor and nothing else. Something much closer to five minutes passed before the worst happened and there was a knock on your door.

"Hey it's Jesse, I heard what happened and you're not answerin' your phone and I'm a bit worried now, it's been three hours since you got off work darlin'."

That couldn't have been right. It had only been like twenty minutes or something.

"Okay, worried might be a bit of an understatement, you're kinda scarin' me and I really don't wanna leave till I know you're alright."

Just say something. Tell him to go, make him leave, oh god, say something. Make a sound. Just whisper something then. Please.

And now your phone was ringing. You stared at it as it mocked you. It should be simple enough to pick up and say hi not dead leave. You couldn't do it. It stopped and you braced yourself.

"Please darlin' people were worried about you enough to come tell me, I'd really like to know you're okay."

He might have kept talking after that, you weren't really sure. You felt that horrible sob catch in your throat again as you wrenched yourself out of bed, stomped to your front door, and pulled it open. You jumped backward as Jesse rushed in. "Hey darlin' I-"

You cut him off by waving your hand in his face and motioning to shush. He took a step back and you heard what might have been a gasp. You couldn't look at him. He didn't move. "Are you okay sweet pea?"

You were trying very hard not to cry now. You felt hollow, and you knew if nothing else (you were quite sure your expression was readable as A Wreck,) your shallow breath gave away more of your emotional state than you wanted anyone to know. You saw Jesse motion like he wanted to reach for you and you quickly turned away and stumbled back to your room.

You still heard him trailing after you. You fell on to your bed again and heard your phone bounce to the floor. It didn't really matter as much as curling up in your corner and pulling the blankets around yourself again did. You heard him walk in and pause to pick up your phone, setting it on the dresser before he sat down at the foot of your bed. "You can kick at me or somethin' and I'll go," he said quietly. You thought carefully about it and let him stay. He was taking this episode surprisingly well. And for some reason it was a little more pleasant to have him with you. Easier to relax, safer maybe. As long as he continued to follow the rules and stay over there.

You could hear your breath change from severe panic to something that was almost calm and level. And Jesse had stayed with you the entire time, nearly unmoving. You carefully glanced over at him to find him staring around your room. He hadn't actually been in your bedroom before. Not that there was much to see. Couldn't do much personalizing.

It was almost scary to admit how much better this was with him here. It was easier to let go of the panic and it was easier to pick up a reasonable line of thinking again. You were sure you would burst into tears if you had to interact with anyone else but Jesse was somehow a very calming presence.

You stuck your hand out of the blankets and made a grabby motion for him and he pressed his hand into yours with a very reassuring weight.

That's what you had been lacking.

You gently tugged him over to you and he followed your lead, lying down next to you. "Darlin' what are you-"

You cut him off again with the shush motion and the most vicious glare you could manage. He fell silent and let you snuggle up against him. You pulled his arm over yourself and Jesse seemed to get the picture from there, letting himself rest against you and holding you close. If you had a bit more clarity to your thought it would have struck you a little harder how he so easily picked up on your sensory needs and how easily he complied with what you knew were strange requests, much easier than any typical person would. Or how he just seemed to know what most people had to guess at with you.

As it was, your current level of thinking let you get as far as if you don't have a weighted blanket, a cowboy will do just fine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I woulda had this done sooner but that last section just kept getting longer and longer...

Another long winded meeting to be kept out of the loop on. Only to be called for afterwards of course, but just to coordinate things. You and Gabriel had been dragged out to a different base this time. Something about the strike commander not having time to play house as Gabriel put it. He seemed ok with the change of pace. You on the other hand, were entirely unsure of where to go or what to do.

Like now, for instance. Back at your base the assistant level staff were always left in an adjacent room, sometimes with windows to the meeting even, (it was like silent tv with how animated they got,) with the assumption that you would be needed immediately afterwards. Here, you were told to do whatever work you had in the meantime, preferably away from the meeting. Maybe blackwatch had a faster pace. It was certainly more organized than you remember overwatch being. Overwatch was definitely as busy as you remembered.

And so you ended up with Mina more often than not. You had finally learned her name, before this you just knew her by her last name, Ms. Kearns, since that's all you ever heard Morrison call her. She seemed happy to see you. She had a nice office. Morrison's assistant got her own office. You didn't really mind not having an individual office but it did put things in perspective.

Even here was almost constantly busy. If Mina wasn't fielding inane calls and memos, someone would drop in to argue a point or for Mina to hand them a file. Sometimes they would wait around for something but not often. Strangely enough, they would go rigid everytime they saw you and their speech would turn more formal. You were only sitting off to the side. Mina had let you drag a chair out of the waiting area and further to the back.

"Why do they act like I'm so scary?" you asked as the most recent visitor departed.

"You're blackwatch hon, you _are_ scary." She answered with a smile of course, always on the bubbly side. "And you're practically lurking in the shadows back there."

"I'm not lurking, I'm just well out of the way."

Mina giggled. "I'll say."

You were sure this had some double or hidden meaning but you couldn't be bothered to figure out what that may be. You caught her glancing over at you a few times like she had something to say but you were perfectly happy ignoring this.

Eventually she caved. "So, I haven't seen you since that last meeting."

The one where shenanigans were committed. You could feel yourself making a face of disgust.

Mina laughed again. "That's the one! How've you been since then?"

You were quite sure this wasn't the exact question she wanted to ask. "I've been fine, how have you been?"

"Oh come on, do I have to spell it out?" she pouted. At least you were pretty sure it was pouting. It seemed like the kinda thing she'd do. Difficulty always got you to the more clarifying questions. "Spell what out?"

Mina looked almost exasperated. "You and Mccree!" she whispered before continuing on at a more normal tone. "The rumor is he's taken now."

Ah.

Ok.

Let's just make it official shall we.

Your leg started bouncing.

"Then you already know, why do you need to hear it from me?"

Mina looked about like she was going to burst, jittering in her seat and trying to contain a smile. "Oh I knew it I knew it I knew it! Oh, I'm just so glad blackwatch is a better fit for you, I couldn't stand to see you waste away here, you just weren't appreciated," she sighed. This was not the direction you thought she'd take. "Come again?"

"Oh, I just- you were so obviously skilled and no one here could see it and I couldn't help myself and now you look so much more sure of yourself and I'm just so happy for you," she rambled. Actually she clearly wasn't done but you cut in while she was taking a breath. "Couldn't help yourself?"

You had never seen her look shy before now but she looked downright bashful, reorganizing all the loose pens on her desk and suddenly refusing to look at you. "Oh, well, I was the one who recommended you to the commander," she said quietly. You had never heard this before. The two of you remained quiet for some time although you imagined it was for different reasons.

You barely knew her outside of work and she had taken such an interest in your life as to do one of the kindest things you had experienced in quite some while. She had always been nice and she was easy to talk to but you hadn't realized she cared this much. You desperately hoped you had never been rude to her accidentally. And that there was more you could do to show your gratitude. "Thank you."

She glanced up at you with her biggest dorkiest grin yet. "Don't mention it."

***

Travel was good with blackwatch. An alarmingly fast jet with no silly rules like sit down the whole time. Although even if you wanted to there were tables to spread work out over or there were actually four beds on this particularly fine piece of travel technology. Gabriel refused to rest. He was looking over a map and like five different reports. You had tried out one of the beds just for fun. It was very plush, almost decadent. You hadn't gotten a chance to do this on the way out as Gabriel had kept you quite busy compiling many many different intelligence memos.

These were only things that happened before a big mission. You couldn't tell what that would involve yet but as always it seemed to be something hush hush in Europe. That seemed like at least half of what blackwatch did.

As you paused for a moment to consider the enormity of the organization you worked for you noticed Gabriel seemed to be on the phone. Speaking about things that should be taken into account maybe? You carefully crept out of the bed and meandered closer to the table your boss was occupying. He was speaking to a hologram of Morrison. Who seemed very animated, gesturing quickly as he spoke. If only this stupid plane wasn't so loud you'd likely be able to hear him. As it was you only caught a few meaningless words. You could hear Gabriel though.

"Jack, we've been over this. Why on earth did I venture out to your neck of the woods if not to go over this? Over and over and over, we have a working op now, can you let it go? We just got everyone involved to agree, there's no way you're having me change my mind now."

Morrison wouldn't let it go. Or so it looked like to you. Gabriel seemed to be doing his best not to strangle the hologram. "Yes dear, I took out the trash and made a nice roast for dinner is there anything else you want honey?"

Rarely ever did you hear this level of blatant sarcasm from him. It seemed to have the desired effect as you could see the glowing version of the strike commander become even more animated, portraying an absolute infuriation that Gabriel seemed to find highly amusing.

You watched as Morrison slowly caught on to the point of Gabriel's jab and ended up laughing along with him before saying something else.

"I think I can do something about that," Gabriel murmured.

There was a rest in their conversation.

The strike commander looked tired.

Both of them looked so very tired.

All ranking was gone suddenly and they easily fell into a conversation about the better parts of day to day and memories.

It was one thing to eavesdrop on something you would likely learn anyways, but this was suddenly far too intensely personal and perhaps even intimate to be intruded upon in good conscience. You made your way back to all of your lovely blankets with an odd feeling of maybe homesickness in your chest.

***

You stared out the window feeling a touch listless as the jet was guided back into its designated placement. You were finally back to your base. Home as some would call it. Your only motivation to leave the plane really was the threat of being kicked off if you didn't voluntarily depart. Perhaps your own room as it were would be nice, and perhaps removing the grime of a day's travels would be good but you were already tucked away in a blanket, what more did you really need?

You heard Gabriel call for you. The plane was still technically moving. It wasn't the last minute yet. You had time. Gabriel seemed to disagree as he had marched in to your selected room with a rather stern expression. His face softened into something that was almost a smile as he caught sight of you. It wasn't of course, he wouldn't do that. You pulled yourself out of the blanket and in to a seated position but you made no further move. You would have sworn you caught the merest hint of a real smile as he stepped up to you and held his hand out, nodding to the exit.

You took his hand and let him drag you up, shadowing him off the plane afterwards. His wordlessness was always appreciated. No good reason to bring speech into connection with him.

Down the stairs and through the doors to the first of many hallways. Also where you must separate. You stopped cold as Gabriel continued on his path. He must have noticed because he turned to you. "Anything wrong?"

You shook your head. "I'll be fine."

"All this trouble to exchange a few words over there, hm?"

And with a wave to you, he was gone.

You turned down your own path and pushed through the next set of doors to the main halls. Much to your surprise, Jesse was leaning on the wall opposite you. You stood there dumbfounded for a moment as he smiled and held his arms open before you rushed into his invitation, clinging to him and burying your face in his chest as he gathered you up into a warm hug. "Didja miss me there, darlin'?"

"Mmph."

You felt Jesse try and fail to not laugh. You didn't mind. You were just glad to see him. Shocked to see him here but very glad nonetheless. You were pretty sure there was some form of training he had weaseled out of to come greet you. You hadn't expected something like this to be so nice. He shifted just a smidge to lay a kiss on top of your head. "I missed you too."

You pulled away just enough to properly kiss him, feeling a bit more human than you had been for a while. Jesse broke the kiss off and let go of you just enough to gently grab your chin and keep your head tilted up. He looked so very contented, pleased even, as he admired you.

"What're you doing?" you asked quietly.

"Makin' sure I don't forget you. And makin' sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. You won't forget me."

"You're damn right I won't."

You felt yourself smile at the way he said it, at how protective he sounded. You reached up on tip toes to kiss him again, loving the way he smiled against you and how he pulled you in even closer. It was everything you didn't know you needed. All was nearly as it should be. Jesse sighed and let you go before shoving off the wall. "Shall we?" he asked, holding his hand out to you. You hesitated. "I don't wanna see people."

To his credit, this statement did not seem to bother Jesse in the least. "There's lots of places people don't walk. We'll be fine."

He did seem to know the peculiarities of the base pretty well. You put your hand in his and let him lead you onwards.

"Your house or mine?"

"Mine," you answered. Honestly you kinda loved his habit of calling the rooms here homes. It made it a bit easier to settle in. Made everything feel less clustered together.

You let go of his hand in favor of snaking your arm around his waist and leaning your head against him as you walked. Jesse laughed softly as he slung his arm comfortably over your shoulders in return.

It was the perfect storm of being tired and sudden emotions that led to not watching words as carefully as you should.

"Love you."

...

Whoops.

Time slowed dramatically, each second somehow able to span a decade as your mind was suddenly full of thoughts racing by too quickly to comprehend. You got the gist of it though. That was a mistake and would have dire consequences. Never mind that it was true, it was so obviously a mistake to say it. You must be wrong somehow, you just weren't sure in which ways yet. Did you ruin things for all time? Did he hate you now? Did he-

"I love you too, darlin'."

.....

He _what._

He really did. He really must. Loved you. This was why people told fairytales. This was magic. Thank god he had his arm draped over you or you would have floated off, you were sure of it. And thank god he was paying attention to where the two of you were going or you would have walked straight into a wall without a second thought.

You carefully glanced up at Jesse and discovered his face had gone red. He loved you. The very thought made you break into the stupidest, most lovesick grin imaginable. He loved you. You felt your free hand fluttering at your side, unable to contain the impulse.

Jesse suddenly stopped and took a step backwards. Terror flooded your system as you turned to look at him, sure that he was gonna leave or take it all back. Instead he just looked exceedingly nervous. The hand that wasn't tugging on his hat was tapping against his leg, and he couldn't seem to look at you. "Hey, did- did you, well, did you really mean that?" he asked. You had never heard him stumble through words like this before. You nodded before your own words kicked back into gear. "Yeah, of course, I love you."

You barely had time to register his equally stupid and lovesick grin before he had pulled you into another tight hug, kissing you once more and spinning you down the hallway with the two of you laughing together. The pure joy you knew you both could feel was heavy enough to taste and all was right with the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways the last two comments I got basically sum up why I'm writing this, which boils down to we deserve nice things, dammit! And once again I'm still stunned and elated that yall like this. Thank you ever so much for the kind words.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some light poking at the blackwatch gear cause I haven't had a chance to cause I guess I haven't mentioned this but you're not gonna run around in full combat gear at all moments

Nervous nervous nervous. Nervous. It was departure day for the mystery mission and only a small team would be going. Gabriel, Genji, and Jesse. You had only just learned this yesterday despite being busy for like a week organizing basic logistics concerning the mission. You hadn't had a chance to speak to anyone about this and you were kinda grateful. What would you say? What were you supposed to say? It was better to not have that problem.

So it was really a bit of a nightmare that a report had come in for Gabriel. It was to be read by him before the mission and was too sensitive to be moved digitally at this point. Hence, nervous. You had the report clutched to your chest and you were steadily winding your way through the halls. It was only a few hours till departure. The repetitive tap tap of your shoes against the floor as you walked was the only thing keeping you grounded in the moment. Especially as your destination came in sight.

A dark room at the end of the hall.

You knew it had to be dark like this for the hologram and projection system to work most effectively but it still gave the place an eerie feel. The door had been left open just a bit. You swallowed your fear and stepped inside, pulling the door to match as it had been behind you.

It was exceedingly bright. Report after report, file after file was suspended in light against the walls, casting odd shadows over everything. Gabriel was sitting at a table, going over something with a captain you didn't recognize. The likelihood of you having met them seemed pretty high but they didn't look familiar. Gabriel glanced up and beckoned you over before returning to his task. "Is that the report?"

"Yes sir," you mumbled before handing it over to him. There wasn't anywhere good to place your hands now. You settled on curling them back against your chest.

"You'd think we could avoid moments like this now, wouldn't you?" Gabriel sighed, flipping the report open and beginning to look over it.

"Yes sir."

Your gaze had drifted out across the room, scanning all the projected information and trying to figure out what was gonna happen. There was too much for it to click into place. As you looked to the back of the room, you froze. Jesse and Genji were over by another table, with Jesse sitting on top of it facing you, and Genji properly using a chair to the side. They were chatting about something. Maybe Genji wasn't saying anything, it was hard to tell. He looked over to you and then kicked Jesse.

The cowboy looked up and smiled at you before motioning for you to come over. You glanced back over at Gabriel, who nodded and waved you off without needing to check what you were asking for.

Honestly you were half hoping he would have made you leave. You walked over to the back table feeling more awkward by the second. Jesse didn't seem to notice. He scooped you into a hug as soon as he could reach you and laid a kiss on your cheek. "Fancy seeing you here, pumpkin."

"Fancy seeing me here, darling," you rephrased. Genji faked a dry heave or two off to the side. Jesse reached over to swat at his head, decidedly missing his mark. They were both wearing combat gear. Jesse was wearing armor. Most noticeably a chestplate. Not comfy to be pressed against.

"This is routine," Genji murmured. He was staring at you. You could not even begin to guess at his emotions, he was a completely blank slate. He must have cared somehow or he wouldn't have said anything. Jesse's light grasp on your hips tightened. "Are you worried about this?" he asked, seeming to have caught on to your apprehension. You looked down at the table as best you could.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It really is routine, Genji's right. We'll be back before ya know it," Jesse murmured, brushing his fingers over your cheek.

"Lotta armor for routine," you mumbled, tapping at the offending plate of metal. Jesse chuckled. "This is all standard sweet pea, no reason to worry. 'Sides, I like it."

"You like it?"

"It's nice, I like the heft of it. Feels all sturdy."

"It's designed to be sturdy." You knew this was a stupid thing to remark on as soon as it spilled out of your mouth, but what else were you supposed to say?

"Then they're doin' a good job. Hell, I'd wear all this around more often if it weren't so damn warm." Jesse smiled. You couldn't quite tell if he was kidding or not. You suspected he wasn't because this was truly an odd look. On top of the hard plate of armor was draped a heavy looking leather and fabric cover with a high collar that you were tempted to call a cape. Along with his gun there were several other weapons and tools strapped to his hip and for some reason he had been allowed to have spurs. You couldn't tell if he looked threatening or a bit silly. More likely threatening due to the weaponry.

Genji might have just laughed. "Do you see how ridiculous he looks or is it just me?"

"Who uses a sword in this day and age you goddamn ninja?" Jesse shot back. Genji shrugged. "Swords are cool."

"So is whatever the hell I'm doin'."

"You've never been cool a day in your life."

Their stupid banter had drawn a smile to your face. Maybe if they really were this relaxed then it really was routine and it'd all be fine. "You both look ridiculous, how's that?"

On a different level you knew they were both incredibly dangerous individuals that you wouldn't stand a chance against. Jesse burst into a fit of giggles at your statement and Genji scoffed. "No one here knows what cool is," he muttered. Jesse laughed even harder.

The rest of your time was easily spent waiting with your friends. Nothing that was said needed to be thought about too hard and it was a nice change of pace. Gabriel continued to pour over his work and you weren't sure if he had forgotten you were here or had allowed you to stay.

Eventually it was time. Gabriel stood up rather solemnly and beckoned his team over. You would have stayed at the table but Jesse had grabbed your hand and would not let go. The captain had left, along with all the papers. Gabriel sighed. "Well I suppose you'd better be ready, because it's too late not to be."

Genji gave an incredibly short bow before stalking off. Gabriel trailed along after him, looking between you and Jesse as he went.

"Yeah, I know," Jesse called. Gabriel caught your eye and nodded. It was about as close to a promise as he would give. A very silent statement of it will be fine. Jesse took a breath before turning to you, cupping your cheeks in his very warm hands. "We'll be back before ya know it. And it'll all be okay, this is gonna go off without a hitch."

You nodded as calmly as you could manage. Knowing he was most likely right only did so much for your anxiety levels. Mistakes still happened. "Without a hitch. It'll all be fine," you murmured. Jesse glanced back to his team before turning back to you, smiling shyly. "I love you," he said softly. Gosh, he was just too much, too sweet. You couldn't help but to smile back. "I love you too. Hurry back home."

"Anything for you sweetheart," he murmured before leaning in to kiss you. You eagerly returned the kiss, pulling him back in when he tried to leave and gently biting his lip. He gave a quiet gasp and you pulled away, smiling sweetly all the while. "You have to leave," you reminded him. Jesse blinked down at you a few times. "I- yeah, uh... I'll be back. Won't be long," he said, giving you one last searing kiss before turning and walking off to his team.

The three of them glanced back at you once and you smiled brightly. They left from a door you weren't allowed through. Your smile faded as the anxiety set back in. It would be fine. It was just a matter of waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so never in my wildest dreams did I think this thing would get 100 hits. I thought I'd be lucky to get 10. As I write this there are 1045 hits. I am truly shocked and just thrilled to death that yall like this. I'm so glad it comes across well and I love hearing from yall, you're gonna make me cry one of these days. I love the long thought out words and the yelling and even the tiny little more kudos comments. It's all wonderful to me


	12. Chapter 12

The transport was en route, running a little bit late. They would land in approximately a half hour. The sun had barely risen for the day and you were still laying in bed, having stayed up too late under the guise of needing to finish some work. In reality you had been too nervous to slow down. This was the first time you personally knew every agent that would be coming back and it shifted how you thought of everything. 

A small group of off duty friends and more official types nearly always greeted returning teams. You had only gone to these welcome backs if Gabriel had been in the returning party and needed to immediately begin coordinating something new. He had not requested you this time. You would still be going. That is if you could make yourself get up for the day. At this point you had no choice unless you wanted to be late.

You pushed yourself out of bed, yawning as you shuffled off to your kitchen. You made an easy breakfast and had some water. No reason to get fancy with only a few hours sleep. Maybe some caffeine would help. You put some coffee on and went to get dressed. One of the nice things about having to wear a uniform was that you didn't have to think about what you were going to wear, it had already been decided. You sighed and went to check your reflection in the bathroom. The lack of sleep was showing. You had seen worse though.

And then the coffee was done. You quickly went to pour a mug full, fixing it up and downing it as quickly as possible. The important part was the caffeine.

About ten minutes till the transport landed.

You sighed again, gathering yourself into something presentable before heading off to the airfield. Stupid name for something with no dirt. It was a field in that it was long and flat and half outdoors and that was the only resemblance. It was fabricated like the rest of the base. All steel and concrete.

You wound through the same out of the way halls that Jesse had taken you through when you got back. Up the stairs and to the first door. You paused here a moment before passing through. The next door was set in a wall that was half windows. The transport hadn't landed yet. You sighed and leaned next to the door. The planes were always loud as they came in, especially once they reached the interior. The field turned into more of a cave as it progressed towards the base. There was no good reason to pass the final wall until the jets had a moment to quiet down.

There were a few off duty agents already waiting on the other side. Shouldn't be too long now. Three more people passed through the first and second set of doors, joining the agents. Their uniforms identified them as medics.

That could mean anything. There were any number of reasons to have medical staff ready. Everyone seemed relaxed, there was no urgency, no specialized equipment. Or. There was no urgency because it was too late, according to your anxiety which had unavoidably shot through the roof. There was literally nothing that pointed towards this being a dire situation but it was far too late and your thoughts went racing to some very dark corners. Maybe this had to do with the transport being late.

After what felt like a few years you could finally hear the transport. The noise built and built as you watched it pull in, gradually coming to a halt as the sound echoed through the hangar. You watched carefully as it died down. The medics bustled over to the aircraft, waiting for the door to open. The other agents hung back. You weren't needed here. You might even get in the way. You stepped through the door anyways.

The transport's bay door hissed open and you could immediately hear Jesse's voice. You couldn't quite understand what he was saying but it still hit you with a wave of relief just to know he was here. The other agents had begun to sidle up to the transport. Maybe you really should leave. As you watched, Gabriel burst through the small crowd, saying something to one of the agents before hurriedly walking off. He actually did a double take as he saw you before changing his path. He looked almost relieved to have you here. "He literally will not shut up, I can't take it anymore, please, just go with him, send me the paperwork, I know there's paperwork but I can't stand listening to him anymore," Gabriel asked. If you didn't know better you'd say this was begging. Jesse was still rattling off nonstop words in the background. And go with him? Go where? You stalled out for a moment, processing the request and the presented emotions. Gabriel looked stressed.

"Is everything okay?" You asked carefully. Gabriel barked out a laugh before covering his eyes for a moment and then running his hand down his face. "It's good we're back. It's even better if you say yes."

"We are talking about Jesse? Follow along and send you any presented paperwork?" you clarified.

"Yes. Please."

You nodded. "Yeah. Yeah okay."

You could see at least ten pounds of stress melt off his shoulders as he let out a breath. "Thank god. Thank you. I owe you one," he murmured before turning to walk off.

"Don't think I won't remember that!" you called after him. Gabriel raised his hand in a wave but did not look back.

Now you had a job to do.

You huffed out a breath before making your way to the back of the crowd, trying to peer through and see what was going on. Everyone seemed to be listening to Jesse. "-and that's when the floor fell through, well, the roof, not the floor, and I ended up stuck on a beam up there-"

"Agent Mccree I only asked how you injured your leg and I'd really like an answer," one of the medics interrupted. 

"Well I fell. Y'know. From up there. And I landed funny. And it hurt."

"Okay."

"And I think I'm lucky it don't hurt more."

"Yes okay."

"Y'know 'cause at that point all you can land on is rooftop rubble and it's all jagged and stuff and some itty bitty break that gets fixed up easy as shit seems a lot better than somethin' more bloody and I suppose real luck is walkin' away unscathed, but I'll take my luck where I can get it."

You had had to keep edging your way to the side of the crowd to see anything. Two of the medics were busy looking over Jesse, who was sitting on a hover stretcher, while the third stood back and took notes. One medic was poking and prodding at his left leg with a biotic field and the other was layering bandages across his left shoulder. He was wearing a bloodied tank top and a pair of torn up uniform pants. Genji was suspiciously absent.

"Y'all know how to make some real good drugs, 'cause I cannot feel a damn thing- hey, it's my darlin' little honeybee!" Jesse beamed as he saw you before recoiling just a bit. "I'm sorry, that coulda been a bit much, it's been... well it sure has been," he rambled. He meant so well. "Hey Jess," you greeted, "Reyes says you've been a bit on the talkative side."

Jesse nodded, reaching up for his oddly absent hat and immediately switching to tapping his fingers against his thigh. "Yeah, I felt kinda bad for that but it's worse if I don't. Somethin' goes wrong and I'm no use to anyone the next few days if I don't. I know that sounds real stupid like but that's how it goes, I get hurt bad and I gotta talk. Not that this is bad, I've had worse, but it ain't exactly a picnic."

You were pretty sure the only reason he stopped was to take a breath of air. "Where's Genji?" you interjected quickly, not wanting to be kept in suspense.

"Hm? Oh, we had to ship him off to Angie. First thing we did, done with work, drop the ninja off to see the doc. He's fine," Jesse continued at your worried expression, "fucked up his arm. His robo arm," he said, waving his right arm about for emphasis before resuming his tapping. The medic working on his shoulder had had to pause a moment to wait for Jesse to stop moving so much. The medic looked slightly irritated by this.

You pulled your focus back to conversation. "What happened?" you asked. Jesse tapped at his injured shoulder. "Stuck his hand out to block a shot at me. Bullet tore clean through his arm, made it all jagged, and he slowed it down enough it didn't do nothin' else, I dunno what he's made of for that to happen, but he was right next to me, it was an ambush, and the force of it knocked his tore up arm into me. Didn't really hurt, didn't really do nothin', but it was enough to fuck my armor up. Did you know they don't design it for that? For such a wide hit? It takes a few bullets better'n it takes a slug like that."

The medics had put a few things away and dispersed the crowd at this point. Something was murmured and then you were all venturing through the halls towards the medical wing. Jesse had gone on about the finer points of modern armor and you had tried to pay attention but there were quite a few technical terms and if this then that but if this with a slight adjustment then something else entirely. It was a lot. One of the medics interrupted. "I'm sorry, your medical forms can't be submitted without a review, who does that fall to?"

Jesse blinked a few times and shook his head. "Um, forms, oh that always goes to Reyes," he answered slowly. You watched the medic try very hard to keep his composure. "No one on this shift has a direct line to commander Reyes and this has to be signed off on before we can move you to a room," he said almost calmly. Your turn. "I'm the commander's assistant, send the forms through me."

The medic looked mildly shocked as you spoke. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize... of course. I can transfer the files to you," he said, slowing his steps to walk next to you and holding out his holopad. You tapped your phone to the offered device and clicked through to the file, immediately sending it off to Gabriel. Jesse had fallen silent. Another file was handed off to you. And then to Gabriel. He could send everything back directly to medical. It was a rather convoluted and disorganized system in your opinion. And yet another file was handed off.

Your group had stopped outside a door that one of the medics dissapeared through. When she reappeared she held the door open and everyone stepped inside. It was a simple hospital room, bright lights and a bed, with a small table and one chair. You drifted to an out of the way corner to your left as the lead medic spoke. "Okay, you should be fine to put weight on your left side by now, and we don't want to rush the healing on your shoulder just yet, we'd like to monitor your natural progress instead. We'll keep you under observation for a few days but you're basically back on your feet."

"You're the boss I suppose," Jesse mumbled, shifting carefully to slide on to his right foot and gingerly testing his left. The medics watched closely for a moment before seeming to feel satisfied. "Call us back if you need anything of course," one of them said as they all shuffled out, leaving you in the corner and Jesse standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Neither of you moved. This wasn't what should have happened somehow. Something was still wrong. "Are you alright?" you asked. Jesse scrunched up his nose and took a step forward. It didn't go so well. He ended up limping. You rushed forward a few steps and paused. "Can I help you?"

He nodded. He didn't look at you as you pressed yourself to his left side, wrapping your arm around his waist and taking some of his weight. The two of you took a much steadier step forwards and you felt him lean on you a bit more. You made your way to the bed and let him sit down. Technically your job was complete. Maybe you should leave. Maybe he needed space.

"You ain't done nothin' wrong, c'mere," Jesse sighed, beckoning you over. He grabbed at your hips as you took a step closer and you let him pull you in, carding your fingers through his hair as he pressed his forehead against your stomach. It really was a relief to have him back.

"Sorry I couldn't shut up earlier."

"No, Jess, some people gotta talk things through. Or just talk. I kinda get that in a sense, where you just have to tell someone something. 'Sides, it was really nice to hear your voice again," you murmured. You felt him laugh against you for a moment. "Oh yeah? You sure?" He still hadn't let go of you. "I'm sure. Welcome home cowboy."

Jesse squeezed at your hips and pressed himself in even closer for a moment. "I think... that means the world comin' from you. Don't get to meet many people that know how to listen like that. I'm real glad to be back home now. Missed you," he started rambling again.

"I missed you too."

"I feel so bad for poor Gabe, I could see it all over his face, five, ten hours is enough noise but he never said anything, just sat in a corner while I talked to the goddamn air when he ran outta words, and those doctors, just ask some snippy questions and I'll shut up I guess, I was havin' fun tellin' people things and then they've got those snippy questions and I can't help but think hey you can go home if you want. If you're not havin' fun." He had started rubbing a small little back and forth onto your hips with his thumbs. It was a moment quiet enough to let you speak. "You never ended up telling me what happened to your shoulder."

"I didn't? Coulda sworn... oh yeah, I talked about armor the whole time. It's been... a day. Or more. Since I got any sleep," he murmured. You paused. "Then you can tell me all about it, or anything else you like, as soon as you are lying down."

Jesse pulled you in closer, giving you a light nudge and kneading at your hips. "Mmm, don't wanna, you're soft, and I'm tired, and I don't wanna move," he whined. You gently tugged at his hair, enjoying the way his shoulders tensed up in response. "Jesse honey, humans have to sleep, or at least rest. Lay down, I'm not going anywhere." There wasn't really much work for you today. It wouldn't be too bad to push office things to later. Jesse fell back onto the bed, squinting up at the light. "There, I'm lyin' down."

"You know, laying sideways across a bed isn't really conducive to rest or so I've heard."

"Ever tried it? How would you know?"

"It just doesn't look all that comfortable."

Jesse sighed, carefully readjusting to lay properly on the bed. "Yeah yeah, maybe. C'mere," he said, reaching out for you. You placed your hand in his and let him pull you on to the bed, giggling a bit as he pulled you in for a kiss. You hadn't even realized how tense you had been in his absence. How worried you had been. You left a few more kisses along his jaw before settling down with your head on his chest. Jesse let out an appreciative hum as you felt his fingers begin to trail up and down your back. This was where you belonged. You were sure of it.

"After that first hit from the ambush I didn't have as much motion and it threw me off. And what with Genji bein' down an arm he wasn't top of his game neither. We couldn't pick 'em off as well but they couldn't get too close to us thanks to Gabe. Bit of a stalemate. Anyways, someone got lucky and hit my shoulder again. Big shot, heavy motherfucker, and that one went through. Well, not really went through, it shattered that section of armor. And there was just so much adrenaline that I never noticed it digging into my shoulder every time I moved. So really it weren't all that bad."

"I dunno, getting shot seems pretty bad."

"I was barely even shot and besides, fallin' through the roof was worse. I imagine having your prosthesis wrecked would be worse honestly. Gabe didn't really have anything too bad. I suppose he had me talkin' but I'm pretty sure injury is worse than that. Whole damn building was under construction, it's a wonder we didn't fall through more than one roof. Are you sure you wanna listen to me talk? You can leave. I'm not really in the mood to shut up. Should have let you answer by now. Sorry," he finished up sheepishly. You snuggled in even closer. "As long as I don't have to reply it's nice to have you talk. I had coffee and it didn't work," you answered.

"That just means you ain't had enough. If you have five or so cups it works real well. Really really well. Real well. Don't have five cups. Don't do that. Don't listen to me. I gotta sleep. I'm not sleepy. Should be. I dunno what to say. Maybe that means to shut up. Not that I'm any good at it. Gotta stop at some point though. Maybe-" he paused to yawn, "maybe I could slow down. Say less words... Maybe not though. Maybe I'm just cursed to talk forever. That would suck. Objectively not true though."

And in this moment, silence was deafening. You didn't move for a while, you barely dared to breathe, worried you would startle Jesse into speech again. Was he falling asleep finally? His breathing seemed to be slowing down. His hand still curled into your back had slowed to a halt. "Jesse?" ...No answer. Good.

You carefully readjusted, getting comfortable again and letting out a contented sigh. And this time, with your head still against his chest, you could hear Jesse's heartbeat. This shouldn't have been quite such a big deal. This should have been a passing moment in time and yet you ended up on the verge of tears out of love instead. If you were being honest with yourself you had been terrified he wouldn't come back. There is no placating of emotion this large, there is only letting it happen. And if the experience this time was through a fierce and protective love then so be it. He deserved every ounce of it and more.


	13. new years blurb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a nonlinear to the story bit I wrote cause I fuckin hate fireworks with a passion and had a horrible midnight when the year changed over.

Ordinarily you hated how out of the way your room was. It made for a bit too much travel time between here and the offices. New year's was one of the few times you were grateful for it. It was so packed in to it's own building, so surrounded by other rooms, that the noise from the fireworks was cut down and almost bearable. It was five minutes past midnight on an otherwise unremarkable day and your coworkers were allowed to set off as many explosions as possible. It was hard not to hate them for it. You were currently curled up on your couch scrolling mindlessly through the internet with a dying hope of being able to distract yourself. It wasn't that it was excruciatingly loud from here, it was that you were bombarded with a constant and unpredictable background noise. Last year it had taken nearly a half hour to slow down. It could be so much worse, but it wasn't great. A text. From Jesse. 'Can I come over?'

'Sure.'

Huh.

You had figured he'd be out enjoying the festivities. He had mentioned new year's celebrations a few days ago and you had blurted out your disgust at fireworks without thinking. He seemed a bit shocked but didn't push it.

There was a knock at your door not two minutes later and you rushed up to let Jesse in. He stumbled through the doorway looking as though he'd rolled out of bed. "Couldn't fucking sleep," he grumbled.

"You weren't gonna stay up with everyone?"

"I was, but Gabe's a bastard and he's makin' us work in five hours."

"That's rough."

Jesse sighed dramatically and went to collapse on the couch. "Your house is so much quieter than mine. I never really noticed how loud all this was 'till you mentioned it and now I think you're right."

"Shove over," you said, nudging his arm with your knee. He grumbled, but made room for you. The fireworks were still one immediately after another.

"Feels stupid thinkin' it's too much now. I've dealt with fireworks for years now, but since you said how loud they were I haven't been able to get it outta my head," he complained. You slowly snuck your hand into his, trying to figure out how to word your thoughts. "I think there's a lot that people just don't see until you show them." This still felt like a clumsy rendition, but it got the idea across clear enough.

"Yeah maybe you're right. God, this is awful though. Have you always hated them?"

"Since day one," you said with a wry smile. "Basically everyone else thinks they're cool, but if they're much louder than this I start panicking."

Jesse was silent a long moment before replying. "That's how I felt back at my house. It was just so awful. I don't know how I never noticed before." It was a little bit heartbreaking to listen to him. He looked almost on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry it's bad this time. You can stay here of course."

Jesse nodded but didn't say anything. He was hunched over with his palms pressed to his eyes. You tentatively placed your hand on his shoulder and when he didn't pull away, you ran your hand back and forth in what you hoped was a soothing manner. Within moments he let himself fall into your lap, trying to pull you closer somehow before heaving out a sigh and curling up as much as possible. Within this moment he was very reminiscent of a large puppy.

You smiled warmly, though no one could see it and said I love you by playing with his hair. You knew he liked this quite a lot and it was the same concept as stimming, right? Fill one sense to block out another? It seemed to work. You could see him relax as you continued and you couldn't help but to ponder if he was a bit more like you than he realized.

The fireworks were still noisy as ever, with no clear sign of slowing down yet. You sat like this for what felt like hours, waiting for everything to go back to normal.

Eventually, things did slow down. You and Jesse had been worn out of words and the two of you stayed close as you got up and navigated to your bed. It was finally quiet again and there was no better place to be than here, under the blankets and wrapped around each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In conclusion once again fuck fireworks :)
> 
> On a more linear note, it makes me so happy to hear when this story helps someone. This is why I started writing it. I wanted to have a story with an autistic reader and there wasn't much around and goddammit there should be more. I don't particularly care if this doesn't end up popular. It doesn't have to be. 
> 
> Also if you're an autistic writer I encourage you to write autistic characters cause it feels wonderful to not have to cut parts of myself out when I'm making this.
> 
> I think I've rambled too much now. I'm still working on this, I'm just slow.
> 
> Be kind to yourselves.


End file.
